A dream of him woke me up at around past 4am earlier today. Details were kinda fuzzy, but it started when he sat beside me. I don't remember if we actually talked in my dream or what was it about, or just stared at each other then. After a couple of minutes, he went to this store across the street, and saw him joined his new girl (the one he cheated me on that eventually led to the breakup) who was waiting for him at that time. I don't remember the next details of my dream, all I can remember is that they were walking onto another direction, and then I saw his new girl's tummy. She was pregnant. She didn't see me, but I saw them. And while they were walking away from where I'm standing, he was looking at my direction. We were looking at each other then, and the look on his face is the one that still lingers somewhere between my brain and jaded memory. It was regret.
That was the part that woke me up and made me burst into tears. Even had to get up from bed and went to the kitchen because I had my mom and 2 sisters sleeping with me in 1 room. I don't want them to hear me sobbing, I don't even want them to know that I am still crying and hurting over this. I only cried twice since the breakup. First one was during the breakup, second one was earlier today (this one I'm posting about). And its been 13days since we talked and parted ways, almost 2 weeks apart that I did not cry.
On those 2 weeks I really thought that it was almost okay for me. I mean I felt that there's a bigger part of me says that I will be dealing with these stuffs on a much shorter period. And that things can be taken lightly. Maybe because we're thousand miles apart, or maybe because we had closure (and by closure I meant we talked), or maybe because I felt relieved somehow that my almost-non-ending-waiting-in-vain-for-the-truth ended. I really don't know what was going on my mind during those and these times. Emotions are as well fluctuating.
And then this dream came, it was like a punch in my heart. Something to remind me that I am hurting. As vivid as someone telling me "Hey! You've just had your heart broken by the man you love and spent almost 8yrs of your life, and that hurts like a hell!".
Dreams.. For me was like always something there to remind me of two completely opposite things. Things you love love love to remember, and those things you wished you'll never ever have to remember..
P.S. I am not implying anything on his current feelings/status or whatever. I just blog it the way how it was in my dream. Afterall, it's my dream..
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