I'm moving on to new space. Follow me at IamSelosa!


but I'm still keeping my blogspot, and maybe peek once in a while =)

You and I

Yea, we used to be so imperfect together that it feels almost perfect. We weren’t like those type of goody goody almost perfect relationship we saw on movies. We are far from perfection. But those imperfections we had made the ride worth it. Yea, ours wasn’t like those fairy tales that always had a happy ending, ours hit the dead end. But it was good, until it last. WE for almost 8 years, until things changed that led a WE to just You and I.

I Had A Dream

A dream of him woke me up at around past 4am earlier today. Details were kinda fuzzy, but it started  when he sat beside me. I don't remember if we actually talked in my dream or what was it about, or just stared at each other then. After a couple of minutes, he went to this store across the street, and saw him joined his new girl (the one he cheated me on that eventually led to the breakup) who was waiting for him at that time. I don't remember the next details of my dream, all I can remember is that they were walking onto another direction, and then I saw his new girl's tummy. She was pregnant. She didn't see me, but I saw them. And while they were walking away from where I'm standing, he was looking at my direction. We were looking at each other then, and the look on his face is the one that still lingers somewhere between my brain and jaded memory. It was regret.

That was the part that woke me up and made me burst into tears. Even had to get up from bed and went to the kitchen because I had my mom and 2 sisters sleeping with me in 1 room. I don't want them to hear me sobbing, I don't even want them to know that I am still crying and hurting over this. I only cried twice since the breakup. First one was during the breakup, second one was earlier today (this one I'm posting about). And its been 13days since we talked and parted ways, almost 2 weeks apart that I did not cry.

On those 2 weeks I really thought that it was almost okay for me. I mean I felt that there's a bigger part of me says that I will be dealing with these stuffs on a much shorter period. And that things can be taken lightly. Maybe because we're thousand miles apart, or maybe because we had closure (and by closure I meant we talked), or maybe because I felt relieved somehow that my almost-non-ending-waiting-in-vain-for-the-truth ended. I really don't know what was going on my mind during those and these times. Emotions are as well fluctuating.

And then this dream came, it was like a punch in my heart. Something to remind me that I am hurting. As vivid as someone telling me "Hey! You've just had your heart broken by the man you love and spent almost 8yrs of your life, and that hurts like a hell!". 


Dreams.. For me was like always something there to remind me of two completely opposite things. Things you love love love to remember, and those things you wished you'll never ever have to remember..




P.S. I am not implying anything on his current feelings/status or whatever. I just blog it the way how it was in my dream. Afterall, it's my dream..

Good and Bad Things, Everything Will Pass..

All things must come to an end. No matter how good or bad it is. Even fairy tales has its own fair share of endings. Just like my almost 8yrs relationship with Sid. Our relationship wasn't fairy tale like, we had fair share of ups and downs. A couple of times I could describe things as way beyond roller coaster ride for us. But we always managed to fix things up.

Except for this one.. Hayyys.

A good friend of mine told me that good and bad things, everything will pass. It may matter now, but perhaps not in the next 5 or 10 years.

Yeah, just like everything else, I'm hoping this pain will be soon over.

Of Falling Apart

I'm barely holding on. It seems to me that every inch of me is falling apart, everything is falling apart. This past few weeks or months, I've been trying my best not to cry or get emotional or even frustrated at some things, because I wouldn't want to lose faith or hope. That there's got to be a happy ending in every story, there's got to be.. But this week has just been so uncooperative, making me feel there's no hope for things to get better. That there's no such thing as happy endings.

I'm barely holding on while flashing a fake smile, and I'm starting to fall apart.. There's got to be happy endings, it has to be.. =c